What Do I Actually Want?

This past week on the podcast, I released an episode with Diane Boden (host of the Minimalist Moms podcast) about how to develop a minimalist mindset. She said something that really stuck with me:

Before we can pare down our belongings and priorities, we have to get honest with ourselves about what we really want.

In other words, we have to identify what’s actually important to us.

Of course this is something I’ve talked about before in terms of finding your “why” behind decluttering – what are you actually making room for? What truly matters to you?

However, the way she posed that question sparked something new in me. What do I REALLY want? And what am I just convincing myself that I want because I feel like I should?

Here’s a short list of what I know I really want.

I want my kids to know I love them, to be kind and resilient humans, and to develop faith.

I want to be with my husband for the rest of my life.

I want my friends to know how much they mean to me, and to not lose touch.

I want to keep doing this work of helping people pare down their lives to decrease stress and make more mindful, generous, and joy-filled choices.

I could keep going, but that’s a good start.

When I look at that list, I didn’t write “be a good mom/wife/friend” or “have a successful career with Paring Down” because those things leave a lot of room for what that umbrella of “good” should look like.

Being a good mom doesn’t mean I should sign my kids up for sports (or that I shouldn’t), homeschool them (or that I shouldn’t), never let them watch TV, play pretend with them whenever they ask, buy them whatever they want, or never set any tough boundaries.

That’s not what I want. I want them to know I love them. I want to raise kind and resilient humans. And I want them to develop a genuine faith. The details of getting there are flexible.

I could spell out the same “shoulds” that might pop up in marriage, friendship, or career. But the fact of the matter is that by identifying what I REALLY want, I feel so much more confident and less distracted by the “shoulds” that try to guilt their way into my psyche. 

The “shoulds” are just clutter.

Let’s pare it all down to what actually matters to us by determining what we actually want. That sure makes parting with the rest a whole lot easier!