Bachelorette Recap, Tayshia, Ep. 10: Tantric Whiplash + Men Tell All

I like knowing that Tayshia cracks open an Emily Giffin book while on vacation. Bachelorettes–they’re just like us!

Chris interrupts her right at a good part, but she flits to the door to greet Chris Harrison in the smallest amount of paper-thin material that could possibly be sewn together and still considered an adult human dress, but she wears it well. Because she’s Tayshia. 

Chris Harrison admits he cried when he dropped his kid off at college, and Tayshia says she’s glad to have him back but doesn’t really fill us in on anything we don’t know. Classic Chris Harrison convo. 

The week kicks off with a one-on-one with Blake, and we all know the Bachelor recipe for episode story archs by now, and there’s almost always someone who goes home on a one-on-one right before hometowns. If I were ever on this show, I’d definitely decline the one-on-one date if there were only 7 guys left. I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS and I’ll pass, thankyouverymuch.

Tayshia’s dress for the one-on-one comes with a lot of decisions. How many buttons do we unbutton above the boobs? How many do we unbutton on the bottom to create the slit up the front? How long do we tie the straps on each shoulder? The left one was longer than the right one and it was bothering me a lot.

Blake and Tayshia get another Bachelor in Paradise-type date, with a sexpert/chakra/crystals/tantric yoga person. At one point, Tayshia straddles Blake while they’re mostly unclothed and later tells the camera she didn’t get a lot of confidence when she was staring into his eyes in a sexual position. I want to explain to her that this is because he couldn’t concentrate on her when all he was trying to do was not poke her with his bonedog, but she decides the dead look in his eyes means he isn’t her man.

Which he isn’t, so it’s fine.

Before they even change clothes for a night portion of the date, she sends him packing. He’s feeling the whiplash because they were just tangled up half-naked on national television, but he handles the breakup with grace. Now he can head on back to Monster’s Inc headquarters! I’m sure Boo has missed him so much. (We all agree he’s actually Sully, right?)

After crying (a lot) as Blake drives away, Tayshia realizes she should just keep on having a bad day if she’s already having a bad day. I do that too. If it’s already been a rough one, let’s just get it allllllllll over with so that the next day starts fresh. I get that. So she throws her hair in a messy bun and heads on over to the guys’ villa. After a few tears that confuse the men, she asks Riley if she can speak to him.

To the guillotine! 

Riley goes through all of the feelings as he tries to process what Tayshia is saying. At first he’s sour, then he’s sweet! We love Riley.

The next night, it’s the rose ceremony and Tayshia’s remaining 5 guys wonder who’ll get the chop chop before Hometowns. Wait, make that SIX guys. Bennett walks in, tells the guys that he professed his love for Tayshia a few nights ago, and received a letter telling him she wants to see him at the rose ceremony!

Yeahhhh there’s no way he’s actually getting a rose.

Tayshia cancels the cocktail party because she knows exactly what she wants to do.

Roses go to:

Ben (he already had one)

Zac

Ivan

Brendan

We say goodbye to Noah and Bennett. They have to leave together, afterall! For a second I thought she might choose Noah over Brendan or Ivan and I was SO WORRIED, but I’m obsessed with her Top 4 and VERY excited for next week!

Anyone else notice that Antonia from Top Chef is apparently on Ben’s Hometown date??

Oh wait, I should mention that before we saw the previews for next week, we got a shortened Men Tell All, which took place in the La Quinta Ballroom. No amount of candles and drapery could hid that low pile geometric carpeting that all hotel designers are apparently required to use.

I would recap Men Tell All but honestly nothing interesting happens except that douche bag Yosef who yelled at Clare for being unclassy came back and told Chris Harrison he has no regrets for his behavior. At least he’s on national TV on a show that a large percentage of American women watch so they can know to avoid him.

Tayshia wears a little silver dress and all the guys still have googly eyes for her when she comes out, so I think she’ll go down in history as one of the most coveted Bachelorettes of all time.

Notably missing from MTA were Eazy, Spencer, and Chasen. I mean we all knew Spencer probably wouldn’t make it all the way back from the North Pole, but I was super sad Eazy wasn’t there! Oh well.

K guys, we’re back TONIGHT! Buckle up. I’m ready.