A Pretty Massive Summer

Well, hi.

So much for writing more often this year. I think I slightly underestimated how intense moving from Alaska to Florida would be on the psyche. But before I dive into “how I’m doing” (NOT WELL, PAM, NOT WELL)— let me tie up a few loose ends from my previous post I wrote, oh, 4 months ago:

• We successfully completed the half marathon in Ketchikan with all 3 of our children in tow. Funny fact…we signed up as “walkers” because we fully didn’t intend to run the whole 13.1 miles, but ended up running the first 5 miles, then ran/walk the rest of the way because the Hercules soundtrack was nothing short of stirring. This led Aaron to place first in the “Male Walkers” category, receiving a medal and everything. We confessed to the organizers that we ran some, but in classic Alaska fashion, nothing is too serious so CONGRATS AARON on your monumental achievement!

• My knee pain went away eventually, but I started getting this terrible pressure headache that wouldn’t go away. We faced a scary week or so after getting 2 cat-scans that showed a mass in my sinus. Luckily, it was just an infection that hadn’t cleared with antibiotics, so eventually it dissipated on its own. But finding out I had a mass next to my brain, then not learning what it was for a few days was not fun. Do not recommend.

• Aaron promoted to Commander in the US Coast Guard! Hard to beat “winning” the Male Walker category in the half marathon, but a celebratory achievement nonetheless!

• We moved from Ketchikan to the Florida panhandle, a short drive from the new influencer hot spot, 30A. Can’t wait to see what the buzz is about once I have the energy to leave our 5 mile bubble. Maybe someday I’ll even curl my hair or change out of my biker shorts.

Okay, the last bullet point deserves a little more attention. We survived a month-long road trip from Alaska to Florida, and frankly, it was awesome. We took the Alaska Marine Highway car ferry from Ketchikan down to Bellingham, Washington, then drove down the entire pacific coast, stopping at places like Tillamook Creamery, the Redwood Forest, Big Sur, Disneyland, and San Diego (to name a few). From there we headed east, hitting Joshua Tree, the Grand Canyon, White Sands, Carlsbad Caverns, Magnolia Market, Austin, Space Center Houston, and New Orleans (again….just to name a few). All in all, we stopped at 19 different places and were on the road for 26 days.

I was fully prepared for such a massive trip, so most of it went REALLY well. Of course there were a few dark days where I was exhausted and stressed, but mental preparation went a long way. What I WASN’T mentally prepared for was living off of our floor in our new house in Florida for an entire month.

I’m still recovering.

We were all so out of whack by the time we arrived that adding a month [exactly] of nowhere to sit except bag chairs, sleeping on air-mattresses, an echo chamber of a house, and weather too muggy for outdoor adventure was pretty bleak. Bleak is putting it nicely. It was among the hardest periods of my entire life.

My Top 3 most challenging times in life have been when my mom died, Anders’ newborn phase, and the first month here in Florida. Leaving the church (read about it here) and a few breakups in my 20s round out the Top 5. Needless to say, it’s been rough.

There hasn’t been anything overtly terrible other than the lack of furniture (which we got 3 weeks ago!), but the day-to-day grind of raising three extremely rambunctious kids 4 and under on top of no comfort, on top of not knowing anyone, on top of grieving Ketchikan, on top of coming off a month on the road, almost did me in. Aaron is still on land duty, but he’s home 2.5 hours less per day with his new work schedule than back in Alaska. Anders has 1.5 hours less of school. I have no help with Warren and Jo. It’s starting to be fine, but handling those changes during the first month was nearly impossible when I was so exhausted, heartbroken, and uncomfortable.

I’m not going to lie…a crowded tourist destination in busy Florida doesn’t suit me. A quiet, secluded island in the middle of Alaska was my dream. I don’t feel calmed by sandy beaches. I feel calmed by mountains. I would choose a sweatshirt over a bathing suit any day. Traffic makes me panic and houses that all look the same make me a little sad. As a whole, my surroundings here are just not what make me sing.

Now, that doesn’t mean I can’t be happy here. Absolutely not! We’ve recently met amazing neighbors whose kids flit up and down the sidewalks with ours. I met another mom at the jump gym, and we’ve already had a playdate— a blossoming friendship. There are perks like being able to go on a stroller walk in the neighborhood, or shop at Fresh Market, World Market, and Target. And locals promise me that autumn at the beach is the perfect temperature. We’re slowly getting in a groove, and I know that with the right mindset, we can have an amazing three years here.

We’re in the upswing! Usually I know how I want life to look in a 3-5 year projection, but I’m still getting my bearings and can’t quite see how I want my days to look in this next chapter. Will I go back to work? Will I stay home with the kids as planned? What sorts of things will we do for fun as a family? What are my hopes for a friend circle? How often will we visit family?

There are many unanswered questions, but taking it one day at a time has helped me slowly get back on my feet, so I’m trying to settle my brain and just focus on helping the kids find routine + getting the house put together. The rest is a blank slate, and I’m sure I’ll fill you in once I begin to make a mark!