10 Things I Love About Myself

Happy Valentine’s Day! Listen, I can’t decide if we live in a world where people…

A) love themselves a bit too much (selfishness, black-and-white-I’m-right-you’re-wrong, and rah-rah-me-first-always rhetoric seems to be taking over, and no one is noticing that these things are major contributors to loneliness and depression),

OR

B) don’t love themselves enough (comparing themselves to others, obsessed with making themselves look more beautiful instead of loving themselves as they are, self-blame for everything, etc.).

That being said, I do think a deep self-love movement is in order. Not the kind where you cut off anyone who doesn’t think like you, spend hours looking at yourself in the mirror, or ignore how your behaviors impact other people in the name of you-do-you-boo-boo.

I’m talking about the kind of self-love that will help us move through the world with more genuine confidence (not a mask), more excitement, and more gratitude. I want us to recognize that none of us are perfect, but we are each unique in what kind of positivity and talents we can offer our communities, our loved ones, and—yes—our own selves. I’ll go first:

10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF

1. I don’t hold grudges

   I cannot stay angry to save my life. I’ve truly learned that resentment or anger are too draining and accomplish nothing. Why punish myself for something someone else did? Besides, the person who wronged me probably isn’t evil. Whatever happened has little to do with me anyway, and more to do with that person’s perspectives or struggles, so I’d rather let it go and assume the best whenever I see them again. And if someone apologizes, I forgive really easily.

2. I’m good at accepting both/and

   This one has emerged in my character after years of self-development. I’ve learned to accept two things that seem to be at odds can both be true at the same time. For instance, Disney World is exhausting with 3 little kids…AND I love taking them. That’s a really tame/shallow example. How about, I had a really hard week taking care of the kids by myself while Aaron was in Punta Cana, AND he deserves to rest when he gets home because he’s tired. Or I miss my mom with every fiber of my being, AND I wouldn’t change anything about my life. I admire my friends who homeschool their kids and often feel guilt that I don’t do the same, AND I love watching my kids thrive in traditional school.

3. I apologize easily

   It’s really easy for me to recognize what I could’ve done better in any situation, even in situations where I might feel hurt or angry. I have no problem separating out my own shortcomings and apologizing for those, even if the other person doesn’t apologize to me. And in the case where I was in the wrong and hurt someone unintentionally, I don’t hold onto my intentions— I genuinely care more about the actual impact on how they felt.

4. I have a large capacity for love

   I used to feel insecure because people often say that having too many friends is a sign of low quality friendships. I have a lot of friends…but I’ve come to realize that my capacity for deep, loving, authentic friendships is pretty huge. Bigger than average, I’d say. I open my heart easily, and have very real, vulnerable relationships with a lot of people. I also feel genuinely loved by them in return.

5. I’m self-motivated

   I wrote a book while I had a toddler and a newborn without anyone looking over my shoulder. I workout by myself. I clean the house because it makes me happy and I like my family living in a healthy home. I am proactive at work and don’t need an office or check-ins to complete what I was hired to do, plus some. I make baby-books and family yearbooks and read novels and am simply good at follow-through.

6. I have integrity

   I will go back into the store and return the $1 candy bar my kid threw into the cart without me knowing. And I always return the cart. I don’t lie on applications. I do the right thing or am generous when no one will ever know. I never try to get away with anything.

7. I’m open-minded

   Even in beliefs or standards I hold most dearly, I’m open to understanding why other people believe something different. And if it makes sense to me, I have no problem changing my mind. I know that not all of our brains and perspectives and experiences are the same, so we won’t come to the same conclusions— even on issues I feeeeeeel are so black-and-white. I’m also open-minded in the sense that I am open to people surprising me, actively fight against stereotypes that pop into my head when I meet someone, and am happy to try someone else’s way of doing things (limitations involved, of course).

8. I initiate

   I initiate getting together with friends. I initiate needed conversations with my husband. I initiate reconciliations. I initiate hugs and taking the kids on adventures and phone calls and trying new recipes and sharing embarrassing stories.

9. I’m empathetic

   I cry at news articles when other people go through something really heavy. A stranger’s pain can affect me deeply, and I no longer see this as a weakness. My ability to put myself in other people’s shoes, be it strangers’ or my kids’ or my husband’s or a teacher’s, is what keeps my heart soft. It’s why I’m kind to people. Why I forgive and apologize easily. Why I love well.

10. I like my vessel

    As a whole, I’m pretty happy with my face. I know I’m not modelesque and I can see the technical imperfections, but I’ve noticed that I’m not as caught up in anti-aging or beauty practices as most of the people around me. I don’t get massively worked up about my weight fluctuations, either. I mean, I don’t love when my pants stop fitting or when I get a breakout on my skin, but it doesn’t take up much of my brain space. I think a lot of this has to do with losing my mom…I remember rubbing her legs as she was dying, thinking how perfect they were, even though she always hated her short, wide runner’s legs with calves too big for boots. This perspective has stuck with me, and I’m really grateful I don’t get consumed with how I look. Frankly, when I see so many women around me going to huge lengths to alter their appearance, it seems exhausting (and I blame society, not them). I mean, I want everyone to feel good about themselves! Do what you need to do! But I like this part about me…the part that really isn’t worried about it.