Potty Training Our 2nd Child is a Dose of Humility

I was going to write a post last week, but then we found out where we are moving this summer! Wahhhh we aren’t staying in Alaska! But I can’t share where we’re heading quite yet…so I decided to hold off on posting until I could talk about it. Alas, as military goes, we’re going to have to wait another week before it becomes public knowledge, so I guess I’ll have to find something else to talk about.

Which shouldn’t be hard because we’re freakin’ potty training our 2-year-old.

I’ve said it a million times, but it’s worth saying again: Having a second (or more) child is both an encouragement and a lesson in humility. Anything that came easy with your first will probably not be easy with your second. It keeps you humble to realize that it’s really not about how “good” of a parent you are. Also, what was challenging with your first will probably not be challenging with your second, so it encourages you to be kind to yourself, because—again—so much has absolutely nothing to do with your parenting. It feels both horrifying and liberating.

We potty-trained Anders when he was 27 months. Jo is 25 months, but would tell us when she was going, so we knew she was ready. We used the book Potty Training in 3 Days, and I highly, highly recommend it. As with anything in life, having a plan makes things easier for both you and your child.

The book highlights differences in kids’ personalities, and how each will add ease and difficulty to the potty training process. Anders was in the “this kid will probably be easy to train” category: Loves rules, rambunctious, ambitious, extroverted. And it’s true— he’s been super easy to train to do anything. He understood not waking up until his green light comes on within 2-3 days. He picked up on potty training in a single day. He’s not stubborn, and if you give him even an inkling of control, he runs with it. So when he knew he could control getting an m&m for putting pee in the potty, he was ALL about it. He and I are kindred spirits. We can be a lot, but we’d also make excellent show dogs.

Then there’s Jo. She’s an easy-going people pleaser. This has made her incredibly easy most of the time. But the book warned this personality might be a bit harder to potty train, and it was NOT wrong. She’s like “Why are you asking me to do something that’s not super chill??” And then comes the stubbornness. I’ve learned by being married to my husband that easy-going people are actually the most stubborn deep down (lol bless).

Joey is currently on Day 6. By Day 6 with Anders, he never had accidents and was almost a pro. Joey understands the concept, but she needs it to be HER idea. So if you see her pause and can tell she needs to go, she needs to be the one to suggest it. If you do, she is not about it. She also freezes a bit on the potty, so often times she’ll say she wants to go, then sits down and nothing comes out. But then she’ll accidentally start going in her undies a minute later, so she’ll catch it and put the rest in the potty, but by that point her clothes are already a little wet.

Anyway, that’s a lot of information. It’s basically compulsive for parents to talk about their children’s potty habits. You have to forgive us. All of this to be said: Jo and Anders are just so darn different!

I have no doubt Jo will nail potty training soon. She’s back in school today and her teachers said she hasn’t had a single accident yet this whole morning and has gone in the potty 3 times. So clearly she’s doing GREAT. She’s just not the militant rule-follower that her brother is. She’s wild and free! I love that about her.

I hope anyone reading this finds some encouragement to know that our kids will be themselves regardless of how similarly we parent each one. Of course I support always being the best parent you can be, but at the end of the day, finding humility as well as encouragement in our children’s strengths and weaknesses makes things a lot less stressful. It simply is what it is! So keep on loving them well, and the rest will sort itself out.