If Your Kids Are Attached to Their Clutter

If there’s something that having 3 kids has taught me, it’s that parenting isn’t everything.

When I had only one child, everything he did well, I felt proud of – as though I’d done something right. When he did something maniacal, I was devastated – as though I’d failed.

Then my daughter was born, and she was so different from him that it completely rewired my ego-attachment to my children’s behavior. Not to say that parenting doesn’t affect them at all, but we really do put too much weight on our influence sometimes.

By the time baby #3 rolled around, I was like, “Yeah so I really can’t take credit for just about anything.” They basically come out of the womb with their personalities and preferences in tact.

This goes for their willingness to declutter, too.

My oldest is almost 7, and he’s deeply attached to stuff. Every scrap of paper seems to hold meaning to him, and it doesn’t matter if his clothes no longer fit – he can’t bear to part with them.

Then there’s my daughter, who is almost 5. She loves decluttering! When I say that it’s time to get rid of a few things, she neatly separates her “keep” and “toss” piles, then calmly says “Bye bye doll! Another little girl will love you!”

Even my 3 year old is showing signs of being pretty great at decluttering. If it’s broken, he happily puts it in the trash. (My 7 year old would’ve wanted to keep broken toys, even at age 3.)

Now, who’s to say? Maybe I did something unknowingly to traumatize my 7 year old when he was a toddler that made him afraid to lose his stuff. But I *think* I’ve raised my kids the same way, so I’m just going with it being a difference in personality.

But I have some pretty awesome news!

Last week, Anderson (7) had a breakthrough!!

As we began our pre-Christmas toy declutter, I said to him, “Hey bud. We’ve got to make some room for Santa gifts. You don’t have to get rid of anything you love. I just need your stuffed animals to fit in the bin.” (He has a medium-sized bin for stuffies that has overflowed.)

He asked if Jo Jo could do her room first, and I said, “Of course.” He hung out and watched as my daughter happily made her donation choices, and I praised her for being so generous. We got excited about the toys she decided to keep, talking about how much easier it will be to find them now. 

As Anderson listened in, something seemed to finally click. He eagerly said, “Mom, is it my turn yet??”

I followed him to his room, and we sat down on the floor together with his stuffies in front of us. I reminded him that I don’t want him to feel sad – that this should be exciting to make room for the things we love the most as we grow up and get older. I kept reiterating that he didn’t have to get rid of anything he didn’t want to, because I’ve found that the more I demand it from him, the more his clutches tighten.

To my shock, as I held up each stuffy and asked “Keep or donate?” He exclaimed “Donate!” to at least 10! He would giggle each time I reacted in shock. “What happened to my son?? Has he been abducted by an alien??”

When he finished his stuffy collection, he asked if he could donate even more. We went through every shelf of his room (which didn’t have much on them to begin with) and got rid of even more. Eventually, I had to tell him we can’t get rid of anything else because all that was left were things he plays with every single day or were necessities!

I hope this breakthrough serves as encouragement to you if your children – or maybe even your partner – struggles with decluttering. It has taken years for Anderson to see the value in decluttering. Years that I thought, “He’s just going to be obsessed with stuff forever.” 

But when we continue to show the benefits of decluttering through example and positivity, our influence has more power than we might think…if we just have the patience to let it play out instead of trying to force it.

If you haven’t yet, be sure to grab a copy of my Complete Guide to Decluttering Kid Stuff – on sale for only $10 through the end of 2024 – to make room for holiday gifts before they arrive!

I also have two free resources you might find helpful that you can find HERE under “freebies”:

15 Clutter-Free Gift Ideas (mostly for grown ups)

The Gift Request Template (an email template to graciously request gifts that won’t become clutter – send it to grandparents or whoever loves to shower you during the holidays!)

Here’s to a less overwhelming holiday season!